Thoughts From The Notes Section

Choosing Peace

Saturday morning, I woke up in a funk—just super unsettled—and frustrated by that thought since, well, it's the weekend. I felt the weight of comparison to other people and things that really disturbed how I viewed myself.

As I got out of bed, I just whispered, God, I need Your peace and reassurance today. But instead of just moving on to the next thing, I felt God say, What does that peace look like, and in what? So I began to list off a few things.

I’d love to say that, in that moment, I just sprung out of bed feeling amazing. But instead, I told myself, You know what? If I can take a shower and put my clothes on, I can get ready, and maybe that will change my mood.

I needed to get my oil changed, so I headed out the door. When I arrived at the service station, I was greeted, but the atmosphere felt chaotic. It was a new crew I hadn’t seen before, and they seemed disorganized, moving as if they didn’t quite know what they were doing. This was my usual spot, but something about it felt off today. I thought to myself, “Great, so it’s just going to be a bad day.” Then I paused and reminded myself, “You get to choose what this day looks like.”

I opened my notes app and started a dialogue with myself:

“Dang, that feeling of inadequacy came back.
Let’s acknowledge that feeling.
Is it true? No!
Hey, feeling of inadequacy —I know you’re trying to protect me and keep me safe. You’re trying to feel acceptance right now, and that’s okay.

I then proceeded to affirm myself:

The Lisa I know—she’s strong. She’s beautiful. She’s adventurous. She’s connected to some really beautiful people all over the world. She is so loved—not because of what she’s done, but because of who she is. She is human. She is loved by God most of all. God knows what she’s experiencing right now, and God calls her adequate even in her flaws.

I reminded myself that, even though these feelings appear, the growth I’ve experienced allows me to handle them differently instead of letting them consume me.

I acknowledged what was true about me and the comparisons or inadequacies I had.

I asked myself these questions:

• Are you growing in the right direction? Yes!

• Can you acknowledge that there is something you can change and that you are taking steps in the right direction? Yes.

• Are you trying? Yes!

• Are you actively making decisions that are pushing you toward your goals? Yes!

• Do the things you want happen overnight? No, they take time

Asking myself these questions brings balance, clarity, and security, reminding me that I am doing okay. I give myself space to acknowledge my feelings, but if any of the answers are no, I first give myself grace and then proceed to make one small goal—and by small, I mean small—that I can achieve in that moment. Oftentimes, it’s simply acknowledgment and belief.

As I continued writing , my brain began to shift into strategy mode. Then I asked myself:

Is today about getting a bunch of stuff done so you can feel good about yourself? Or is today about nurturing yourself? What do you need today?

I realized I needed peace. I needed to relax. I needed assurance.

Still frustrated by my oil change experience—especially since their printer wasn’t working for the oil change sticker or receipt—my annoyance was clearly written all over my face. But as I reflected on it while writing this, I realized the grace I needed to extend to them was the very grace I was longing for myself.

I wish I could say the day turned around completely and everything felt great from that point on. But as I drove home and pulled into the garage, I found myself thinking, “Now what? How can I keep myself busy so I don’t have to feel this?”. I went through a list of stuff.

I sat there, and God just said, Let go.

And in that moment, I burst into tears—I just cried and cried and cried. I could physically feel myself get lighter.

In that moment, God reassured me with His words, shifted my perspective, and transformed my heart. It was exactly what I needed and the very thing I had asked for earlier, even though I couldn’t fully put it into prayer.

I don’t share this to dwell on my feelings of inadequacy—after all, who doesn’t experience them? But I wanted to express a practical way to sit with your emotions and feelings.

I will admit, I am a recovering “stuffer”—I don’t like sitting with feelings and emotions for too long, especially the bad ones. But I’ve realized, through grieving people, relationships, and my disappointments that it takes time. Without acknowledgment and acceptance, you’re either going to deal with it now or deal with it later. The truth is—it’s going to come back around and you have to face it.

When you acknowledge emotions, they become smaller. My therapist tells me all the time, You don’t have to fix it right away. Just acknowledge it and go from there. Be kind to yourself.